Yes I'm missing out on all the action.

I look at people living and studying in so many different parts of the world and I can't help feel that it looks a hell lot greener on their side.

Oh well. I probably just underscored my point.

I think I need more things to happen in my life, after being stuck in such a course like this.

Problem is, I really am not sure what I want to do in life.

I don't want to be a cubicle rat.

I don't want to work the regular office hours and rush to work and rush home like all the other commuters out there.

I want to meet people.

I want to travel.

I want to do something different after some time.

I want to make tons of money, but somehow I have a feeling that if I want to fulfill the above, this would probably not be true. I figured that with all these, money is probably the least of all concerns. You can't have your cake and eat it, right?

I want to do something that excites me.

The problem is, I don't know what.

I want to have a fantastic life like what I imagine other people are having.

And it's definitely not related to whatever I am doing now, I think.

I think I am super-duper unhealthy nowadays. Eating all wrong.

Morning concoction: Redbull / Tea with milk and less sugar
Mid-Morning snack: Bread / Curry-puff / Pao

Lunch: Eat air.

Teatime: Some unhealthy thing I always regret eating, but chow down anyways. Yesterday it was half a packet of lobster crackers. (Those square ones). The day before it was two small packets of radioactive-looking super rings.

Dinner: Rice and stuff. Normal.

Hydration: Too much sugar and caffinated drinks, not enough plain.

I need to change my diet. Probably go on a caffeine detox or something.

It's a i-want-to-chill-with-my-notes-alone-and-when-i-get-bored-i-want-to-chill-alone-and-contemplate-on-other-things-and-actually-try-to-take-it-easy-kind-of-day.

Hey trying to make things a little more relaxed here.

There's plenty of ways in trying.

Somehow amidst the gloom of mugging for exams and tests, the question of where my life is heading always seems to pop up.

Studying at least for me, is currently an all-consuming affair. I never understood how some of my course mates can juggle various other commitments (mostly of the money making kind) and also school work at the same time.

It's perhaps my lack of passion that is responsible for the my lack of drive. I guess you really can't force yourself to do something you don't like. Or whatever I'm trying to do now is something that I really have to compel myself to, and this is why I find the entire process so trying.

Or maybe it's just because I really have no idea where I want to go next in my life. I mean, I get some degree (hopefully with a decent honors) and then what? Go give out medications all day long? Long, hurried, tired shifts?

I think not.

This seems to be the semester I seem to be relaxing a little more for. I've stopped grade nit-picking , and seriously, for perhaps the first time after the first semester, it doesn't seem to matter that much, in the grand scheme of things. I've started to believe in what I've been trying to tell myself all along.

It's not like I've given up on the course, but perhaps I've come to the conclusion that moderate trying is probably enough. I don't need to validate myself against the bell curve, but perhaps only to myself. It's really not too big a deal to do badly in comparison with other people.

In short, I don't want my grades to define my life or my value. I don't want to compete because I don't want to be compared to other people, for the better or for the worse.

I guess this is my gradual acceptance of my university life. I guess I'm already wasting time as it is, I would probably want to achieve something else in the meantime.

Well, it's already past the halfway mark. We'll just see how the rest of it goes.

I think it speaks volumes about your life when all you can blog about is about how you can't complete your flow chart on your antibiotics, with many other tests pending and the workload generally going crazy from now on till about the end of November.

It's about 6 weeks more to holidays, and I can't wait for them to come, although I am dreading the time in-between. I'm so going to screw up Med Chem I think, although it's not like I've given up trying for the damn subject. I hate Chemistry so much, sometimes.

So yes the tons of work, and the occasional perk me up in the form of looking at pictures of all the cute (of course male) celebrities online, which was pretty much what I was doing today!

I seriously need to buck up. A gazillion things to do before exams come and go!

The happiest period in my life was when I had my own room.

Sometimes we take some things a little for granted, but don't realize that the most trvial things are in fact take the general shape of our lives.

Pretty tired of all these meaningless, petty exchanges; I want to keep my goodness intact.

But then, I'm not one of them.

I was on the bus home this evening when I truly realized how unglamorous I am.

I was yawing away at the bus stop, without bothering to cover my mouth because I have a heavy-ass bag on a shoulder, a bag of tim-tams in another (from candy empire because it was cheaper than NTUC when you buy 2 packs, $6.80 for 2 instead of $3.85 for one) and my ultra-super thick pharmacology textbook in another. I was in T shirt (from school bazaar), shorts and slippers (from factory outlet) and I had a chipped peeling pedicure which I can't be bothered to patch. My hair was damn messy due to the cold dry air blasting from the MRT and my specs were my uncool blue ones. I then decided that I had to buy this week's copy of 8 days, which I managed to read on the bus, despite the fact that the bus was super mega crowed (after work rush hour). This was accomplished by placing it on top of my pharmaco textbook in my right hand, with my left hand gripping the seat head rest and hanging onto the Tim-tams, left shoulder full of my really heavy bag (lots of notes for mugging in school).

I am so uncool I want to kill myself sometimes. Haha. or maybe I am just being very heartlander.

Med chem was, in 2 concise words, a major f***up.

Rah I didn't know what the heck all that study was for.

Didn't manage to finish my paper, because I conveniently forgot to finish this question that I sorta half-finished because I wasn't sure how to carry on to the next part. Ahh! No time to think, spent too long on the easy part. Which just goes to show that it is ALWAYS IMPORTANT TO COMPLETE THE PAPER QUICKLY ESPECIALLY IF IT IS EASY, COS THE BACK WOULD DEFINITELY BE HARD.

Gah.