It's time to stop all the comparisons, all the inferiority of see people higher up there.

It's hard but then the endless comparisons are going nowhere.

Maybe it's time to enjoy learning, enjoy the process of gaining knowledge, instead of using the term "mugging" to jsutify all that we do.

Mugging seems to imply studying for the sake of the deed or to achieve that elite score. Then we feel that our self-worth is vindicated.

What then do "closet muggers" get? The right to brag of their effortless achievements. The acknowledgement of their intellect. Really, very few people are born very smart. Not many have like superior powers of memory,deduction and synthesis. I guess we all work somewhere to get somewhere.

But some do less than others, of course. There are always people who seem to have the goods of life spilled onto their lap for them.

It's hard not to envy, but then I want to realise that I can be happy with what and where I am.

The norm is jus a figure, an oversimplication of the complexity of everything. There is not a lot of normal things in life and you wonder why sometimes you compare yourself to it.

And to the natural overachievers: good going for you, mate.

I am who I am.

Rock chick with a mean guitar,
Strumming under the sun-lit stars.
Teddy bear in the tree laments the reds,
passe are those sky-coloured ones.
The grass beneath the feet her audience,
gently she tramples them underfoot.
Belting out strings of ladybugs,
soundless are the murmurings of the heart.
In backup is the one-eyed crone,
decked out in pale fervour.
Occassionally she sways the wind,
occassionally she flows the river.
Melliflous is the sound of silence,
as rocker chick ducks behind her.
"Fear?" , she disdains,
claiming that they heard their lost hearts.
She with that mean guitar,
strumming under the sun-lit stars.

I don't think I that lousy a student even though I know that I ain't anything great.

I don't object to mugging (or shall we just call it studying and understanding) but I really don't think that life should be that stressful after A levels.

Maybe it's time to move to a Scandinavian country? It would be great, except that I won't know the people there. And the differences from where we grew up and stuff too. Maybe if I can translocate all the people I want over there? It would be great.

But yes it's nice to have a boring life. I always complain that boredom is an awful thing, but compared to getting one headache less per week about things that we ought to do I will say that it is a rather fair trade off.

I can live with shops closing after 5, of course. And the total lack of any form of nocturnal activity. There would be seasons, and people would have potluck every weekend.

Or maybe we can just start star gazing? Picnic under the moonlight? Midnight excursion to the middle of the forest? (Provided that it is pretty of course)

It's time to start do something new. Live in the countryside. Be happy with what we have.

Yeah me and my fantasies. It really is a happy hobby. Albeit imaginary.

And nope I really wasn't stoning.

Stoning is when your mind is more or less in a complete blank. Mine sure wasn't.

It wasn't too full anyway, that was all.

*wrings hands dramatically*

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.

Sigh.

I am kinda sad.

Haha. But yes I will be ok.

Bad starts will lead to bad ends, I think.

Acceptance is the first small step.

But I guess then it isn't the paper that matters.

Maybe I'll learn something out of it.

Anyway one small thing to do first.

Yucks I hate talking to authority.

Heroes has gotten a lot more exciting!!

Not like I should be watching it.

My absymal physio grades!!!! Someone help me!

Nothing incriminating here.

Will stop the entire mention of names and stuff.

It will come back to bite in the ass.

I'm scared of pain.

More Heroes for a little while longer.

What a tiny little world that we live in.....



Turns out that some person I met in the US (from Singapore though) is the son of one of my dad's friends or something. Hahah....and we realised that like how many donkey months later?



It's still quite funny though. All these weird connections popping up from nowhere.



I guess Singapore is really too small for us to be connected like more that 3 degrees. Friend's, friend's friend. Then there are usually more than one connection if we take the long way round too.



Anyway my incessent blogging this weekend probably show's my lack of productive work this weekend. Hmm that is a bad thing. But then, oh well.



Yep I have like Tuesday off again I shall go and do all my work then. Mainly for SUJA I think.

It's 12 an my brain is still functioning.

Maybe it's the coolness of the night. Very alluring. But I think I prefer to be asleep during this period. Like having private fantasies under the protection of the darkness and silence. Personal space cannot be overrated.

I think life must definitely mean more than just routine. More than just what you are supposed to do. Let me be just that little bolder. Be a little less responsible, less studious. I'm not asking to be a delinquent or that I'll settle with mediocre results, but just that well, you gotta do what you gotta do. Live a little. Have a little fun. Be slightly daring in little ways that add up to a huge difference.

If that extrapolates to other aspects.

I might be happier.

Not that I'm not, but there is always room for improvement.

I shall be daring and skip Paul Heng's lecture on Monday. Well at least the first half. Not really interested in hearing his off-tangent remarks regarding liquid crystals and what not. Toto, gay sex?

I mean, seriously.

You Are An ENTJ

The Executive You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others. Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise. Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow. You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. In love, you hold high standards... for yourself, for your relationship, and for your significant other. While it's easy for you to impress others, it's hard for you to find someone who impresses you. At work, you are organized and good at delegating. You understand how to achieve goals. You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant. How you see yourself: Rational, calm, and objective When other people don't get you, they see you as: Inflexible, controlling, and overbearing

I have always wondered how people make that leap of faith in liking, or on a deeper level, love someone.

I think it's one of the bravest things people can actually do. By placing their emotions on the line. Trusting the other party of taking good care of it. By allowing people the chance to hurt you.

Yearning, rejection, insecurity. Yet the transient happiness seems to justify everything. For that magical moment, people are willing to pay the price. The mundane hours of waiting for contact, the dwelling on that past hurt, that broken date. The agony.

I don't know if it's an extremely courageous, or asinine thing to do. Guess you jump and really hope for the best.

The initial portion is always so bittersweet.

There is just something utterly fascinating about humans. How we suffer fools gladly.

And also, how as the critique disdains it, secretly yearns.

What then are we looking for?

What have we found?

Was it worth it all?

Managed to finish another day of school today.

It was pretty hellish though. Not to mention annoying. I think people should all be considerate to one another. Really, don't waste our time. I don't get why they couldn't save their questions to till the end of lecture. It's just an hour of doubt, it's ok. Don't make me wait 40 minutes for the teacher.

Sigh. we all pay the same school fees, you know.

There's still the wretched SUJA (Scientific Undergraduate Journal Article) to do. I am really hating the idea of pesticides at this point in my life. 2,000 down about 1, 000 words more to go.
Yeah let's all talk organic and stuff people.

Oh got my hands on the entire season one of Heroes. I know it's outdated, but then again I just want to check what the hoo-hah is about. Yeah at least something for me to chill to.

School just gets worse and worse....

The right side of the bell curve is the only side anyone wants to be on.

Which gives rise to a lot of problems doesn't it? Simple demand and supply. Then we all pay the price of mugging harder. Who gains? The school who can put a few more awards for stuff like academic excellence while we die by the inches mugging our asses off.

Just kidding. We all know studying's a rather self-fish pursuit. Haha.

Feel like learning to drive. Sounds fun.

A car is all I wanna drive.

I am depressed.

The French won the All Blacks.

Bleah I hate the snotty frenchmen!!

Booo......

Hope they get their asses kicked by England. Not that I like the Roses that much anyway. The Wallabies should have won.

Rrrrrr. I shall go study somemore.

Hopefully Springboks go through. Percy Mogometry is kind of cute. But then I am kind of rooting for the underdogs Fijians anyway.

Rrrr still can believe that All Blacks lost. This really sucks.

The tests are flying in fast and furious this week.

I think saying how I did is like damning myself either way, so yeah let's all not ask and we will all see when it comes out.

Oh it's like the tenth month of the year already.

Sometimes I do have that funny feeling. Maybe I'm just being human for once.

Being jaded is very different from being mean; don't equate both. I am just like that.

The truth is just that simple as well.

Let's not think too hard about things.

I think I am a born-again optimist now that I know the darker side of things.

Life is sometimes funny that way you know. Gotta be there to understand the opposite.

It's a totally different level of comprehension altogether.

It's cherishing after having lost. No way can you understand if you don't lose.

There are more things out there to understand. Let us all do it slowly.

Maybe not too slowly. I wanna use what I've learnt.

Oh yeah we all like privacy, but I don't understand some types.

Not that people share my ideas about privacy in the first place.

Tired let's all go to sleep.