As everyone well knows, the stupid exams are over.

Shall not go into details, except that it's a sure fail for maths and a very slim chance (think like aneroxic slim) of passing the rest. Will strive to enjoy this lull before I get it back.

Was with some of S27 people out of school together for the first time. It was alright. A lot like love came as a bit of a disappointment though. But the soundtrack was good. Have already pirated the entire thing. Arrest me, people. The sacredness of the oh-so-holy copyright laws have been breached.

Tomorrow will be a band day, as usual. Will not screw up for both the concerts. For the next few days, that shall be my primary concern.

Interesting things have been happening lately. Or maybe I'm just retarded as usual and hence everything seems new to me. Hermit on a mountain. Bleah. I always wondered why. Maybe if you're disconnected from most of the people around you you're not privy to some of the more inside information. Maybe I just don't care.

Am feeling kind of thought-less at the moment. Exams kill too many brain cells.

Will not pretend I can actually pass the Econs paper. 2 essays. Haven't even started on the last chapter. Ew. So yeps. But a failing mark looks plain awful if you ask me. Hai. I need more confidence actually. And lots more motivation.

Kinda lost steam a couple of days back and just slacked when I know I shouldn't have. So everything's only myself to blame.

The holildays are draing to another dismal end. It's one of the where you feel utterly bored and sick, but you're kinda in a dilemma becsuse alternatives are not much better. Like being in school and taking tests.

I regretted not going abroad when I have the chance to. I like plane rides alot

Wanted to do some pop/rock boyband bashing but am feeling too hot and bothered at the moment to type it all down.

Got sick of staring at how are DNAs transcribed, stupid maths formulas, government taxes and subsidies. The endless stream of dry factuality is like traveling in the desert; no change of scenery and the end is never in sight. Blah. This always gets me thinking if all the studying is worth it, but if I don't, I know that somehow I'll feel really annoyed later on. Redundancy is something I don't really need at the moment.

Holidays are ENDING. Ew. And I worry about PW from time to time when I care to think about it. I'm guessing it'll be last minute work or something for the group and I really hate last minute projects involving a lot of people. The situation always gets rather out of hand. Will see what happens.

Was just thinking about the Gorillaz song Feel Good Inc, and somehow one line struck me quite a lot. Maybe it's just the most discernible line out of the entire raping and so on. No one seems to just stick to singing in a song these days. Some of them are just like conversations with a nice tempo in the background. How ironic. People who can't sing can now make big bucks doing a 'song'. Maybe I'm just traditional, but I still think that a song must have somewhat a melody, some good singing and not necessarily a mess of beats all the time.

Anyway, back to the line which struck me a lot.

Windmill, Windmill for the land.
Turn forever hand in hand
Take it all in on your stride
It is sticking, falling down
Love forever, love is free
Let's turn forever you and me
Windmill, windmill for the land
Is everybody in?

The rest kinda do not make sense, but ya somehow admist all those hormones and torrid escapades people have somehow forgotten about maybe what it means to ok, just liking someone or something. I think adults do not necessarily know more than teens about say love and marriage, hence you have those serial divorcees. Creepy eh. At lead teens just share a fling and break up, knowing that the relationship wasn't serious enough to continue on, but adults have to declare theirs, and face the barrage of papers and lawyers after the Big Argument or something. Bleah. If adults knew more there would be no divorces. It's all experience and a bit of luck, I think, to make some sort of relationship up.

The idea of love. The different notions and interpretations. Won't go into that. Maybe some other time. But ya, love should be given unconditionally, but then there are many types of love for different things and motives.

Nip/Tuck season 2 is back!!! And yay!! My exams end on Wednesday which means I won't miss it. I love that show. All those twist and turns. Love, lust, incest and Botox. The stuff of a good story any day. Yesterday's episode in a nutshell was about this semi illegitimate guy who had the hots for his kinky life counselor's and in return for sex with her, he has to score an A for French. He did, had one night of steamy sex only to see in the morning her naked son which was about her age. To shut the life counselor up, the true father of the illegitimate son offered himself and Botox shots.She took the Botox but not the father (haha.) The true father then offers his sperm to his middle aged college who want to get pregnant. Sound pretty good when I put it down like that.

Wooh. Can't wait for the next episode.

Ok. Revisions are currently underway.

Shall attempt to pass every subject, although I do doubt my abilities when it comes to Economics and Maths. Let's check the progress so far.

Econs
2 chapters, 3 to go and 5 essay questions to attempt. Will just attempt. Failure is another matter altogether.

Maths
2 more tutorials to go through and 3 full papers to agonize over

Chem
Chemical bonding still dubious, along with all the electronegativity stuff. Realized that I can't practice it anyway because there are no practices and I hate look through stuff that I've done before. (wait, I didn't actually attempt most tutorials but I still hate looking through them anyway)

Biology
The gene to protein thing to cover along with all the transcription and translation bits. Will attempt a few essay questions too. Will not FAIL biology again. What a disgrace. It means that I can't even be a monkey and memorize stuff.

Back to work.

Woopee.

Gah.

Almost gave up blogging already. The uber-long entry that I wrote got mercilessly deleted away when I accidentally kicked by CPU and it restarted. The stupid junk of a machine. Was very impatient with my computer (plus my uber-slow typing speed) and so ya, disappeared for a while.

The whole problem with me is the entire too-lazy and too-impatient thing. Realized that it sounded very contradicting when I put it down like that. Aren’t lazy people in a way patient because they can wait so long for something to happen or before they do anything? But it seems that laziness is because one can’t simply be bothered with it. I am impatient when I am very bothered about things, especially when it’s kinda like oh-it’s-my-responsibility-and-I’m-going-to-get screwed-if-I-don’t get-it-done. Afterwards, I realized those piddling things were not worth my worry after all, but I just have to get neurotic over it.

Came to the conclusion that my life has been too boring. Will get a revamp maybe by the end of the year. It’s the entire growing up thing. Being a kid was fun, but sometimes you just have to move on and see what more you can get out of your life while you still have the ability to. The time of change is nigh! Transitions people!! Ha, ha.

I may consider actually learning how to drive. Is it cool? A bit more independence from your folks and the stupid public transport system. The ferrying people around part can be annoying, not to mention those kaypo relatives who will complain about your newly honed skills, but I think it might be fun. Just a little afraid though. It was kind of embarrassing, but in Downtown East quite long ago, (think when it first opened) I had a rather embarrassing go on the Go-Karts, which I shall not recount, for the memory is still like some kind of mortal shame fossilized in the banks of my memory, and is one which I do not want to dig out and reexamine all over again. Sheesh.

Life should be more about the stupid institution that you bog yourself down with everyday. That was why I kinda skipped band the other day. I know it was wrong and that the concert is coming up, coupled with the fact that I am struggling to become the most mediocre of all players, but nonetheless, it was more like an escaped I’m giving myself. It feels quite good to run away from responsibility for a while. I promise I shall be diligent once this whole phase is over.

Schoolwork. Am trying my best to revise, but sadly I have a tiny nagging feeling that the term 3 tests are going to be a total failure, especially econs, which I am very out of touch with since I haven’t seen the words ‘ceteris peribus’ in over a month now. Will die for the essays anyway, so I figured that the most sensible and efficient thing to do now would be to concentrate on other things and let it slide a bit now.

School is starting soon. On a Monday and with 2 tests waiting for you. How much more inviting can it get?

Countdown to doomsday begins.

Am feeling out of touch with brilliance too.

How I almost miss those days when I’m sober. It’s a love-hate relationship, much like solitude. But then soberness comes with solitude so it’s small wonder.

I’ve come in touch with my cranky side.

Was reading Craig's and some other bandies' blogs as usual. Most of it concerns the quality of the individual's playing anyway.

That thing about the 2nd and 3rd parts thing he mentioned. Haha. I won't pretend that I'm even remotely skilled at the clarinet. Hell, the more I listed to other more able clarinet (of which there are too many to count), it just affirms my personal belief of how unaccomplished I am. But I think it more or less remains a general fact that the first are usually the better players. All those awful running notes and squeaky noises that test the limit of the player's skill and the patience of the conductor. Comparatively, with the thirds in particular since I'm in it now, it's really a lot less stressful. We get nice long notes as often as the first gets the melody, and hence it's really sometimes easier to put the better people in first because they really need it. Anyway, when doing a solo or something, it's usually the first, and I guess that it is a generally acknowledges fact that you can find a good player more easily in first than in say, second.

Anyway, I'm just happy that Mr Ho is such a nice conductor and I really admire his willingness to give people like me a chance at playing something. Sometimes I think it's people like me pulling the better players down in some aspects, and that is why maybe people who can play better don't want to join. Because there's overcrowding and people like me. Haha. But I would say the band has been very nice so far. I shall try harder. Haven't been playing even up to scratch lately. Will come down to hard reality that I am not a Good Player and will Work Hard to make up for my deficiencies. Will do what You Zhi says and Pay Attention during band practice. It's actually a privilege just to be there because there's always better people out there to do the job. Seems to have got a bit jaded during practice nowadays.

Will finish the research on the Schoenberg guy.

Ok, ok, ok.

I will finish studying all those stuff I've listed and I will do ok for my stuoid tests. I will make a big effort to. Bleah. I kept saying all those gunk about studying harder, but then reality is always one degree removed from pen and paper. Ugh. After the dismal fail on my Biology test, I have only myself to blame. It was only on enzymes and cell division mind you. And somehow I've managed to fail it. Funny. I've always thought that if you wrote enough for biology, you are more or less bound to pass. Like how a million monkey typing on typewriters can eventually produce the works of Shakspere. In this case, I think the key words are 'more or less'. Whatever. The econs essays are going to be killers as well.

Am currently hooked on the second movement of the cry of the celts. It's really a very beautiful melody. Any theatre goer worth his salt would tell you that it's like the lord of the dance all over, but hell. It's really nice.

Suil A Ruin

I wish I were on yonder hill
`Tis there I'd sit and cry my fill
Till every tear would turn a mill
Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

Suil, suil, suil a ruin
Suil go sochair agus siuil go ciuin
Suil go doras agus ealaigh liom
Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

I'll sell my rock, I'll sell my reel
I'll sell my only spinning wheel
And buy my love a sword of steel
Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

I wish, I wish, I wish in vain
I wish I had my heart again
And vainly think I'd not complain
Is go dte tu mo mhuirnin slan

The text in the second verse is translated as (courtesy of some website I found):

Go, go, go, my love
Go quietly and go peacefully
Go to the door and fly with me
And safe for aye may my darling be

Lala.

Okie. it's not going to be much of a holiday this year. Saw off my mom and youngest brother off at the airport today. Bleah. Am still rather regretting my descision not to go to the US. mY cousin, who's also J1 this year, was remarking that since there will be less time to travel after this period, she had wanted to make the most of any opportunites to travel now. Bah. So it's 2 weeks or so of travel for her. I wish that I could have learnt how to drop everything and just get away like that. Keep thinking of the tests after the june holidays, the band practices (concert's coming up! details below.), the star thingy (yes I've enrolled myself into science programe, and it'll be better without ego guys around i think) and PW on top of all the other crap. Ugh. I want to have a nice vacation!!

Back to reality.

Alumni prac for AMB starting soon. Will go now. But before, that, there's the annual NJC band concert on the 6th of July at VCH. Ticket's a modest $10. Please entertain me!! (Or Craig or Pauline for that matter) Thanks.